Monday, July 2, 2012

Dr. Pepper

I have a confession to make.
I have a slight Dr. Pepper addiction.
Ok, well maybe a little more than slight, but not much mind you.
It all started when I was little and my dad introduced me to the taste. I know that people are quite polarized about the flavour; either you like it or you hate it. When you are 4 and that is what your dad is drinking, well that is what I wanted to drink. So he would let me have some, and every time he would say,” don’t tell your mom.” I never did and that is where it all started, and now my daughter is a Dr. Pepper fan.

Saturday, June 30, 2012


On a lighter note…

I have been cycling through several roller coaster ups and downs here lately and by the time I get off the ride I am not sure if I am going to hurl or get back on. One of my passions throughout my life has been riding my bike. I have never been into sports, but biking is one I love. Around here in southern Alberta are a lot of Coulee’s or quite often referred to as the river bottom. They give some of the most roughest and divers terrain for riding in. I will tell you, I rode the toughest I could find trying to out run Anima. There are a lot of steep ups and downs and sharp turns and obstacles that will challenge some of the best of riders. They are AWESOME 0_0.
Now to start; every five to ten years I would take quite a spill on my bike. And the first time was no exception.
I was around 6 years old and just had my training wheels removed. My brother had spent all afternoon with me coaching and helping me to ride a two wheeler. So that evening after supper I decided to give it a go on my own. I got on my bike. Put my right foot on the up turned peddle, pushed off with my left foot as I pushed down on my right and I was off. I felt great. I had the wind in my face and there was nothing to stop me, except for one thing. I did not now how to stop. :-(( So I did what any sensible six year old would do, I found something to break my fall. In my case it was into the back of my neighbour’s new van. All I remember of that experience was my neighbour yelling at me, as I sat on the ground with my legs twisted through my bike and crying, for not being careful. I could have damaged their new van.

The next experience I can recollect was when I was about sixteen years old. I was riding through a park by where I live named Pavan Park. It sat snugly in the river bottom with many game trails (spoor)  for me to explore. It was a sunny Sunday afternoon. My mother was napping and I decided to go for a ride. I soon found myself riding along this rather narrow trail high up on the side of a coulee. As I continued along, I came across a rather large rock, or maybe it was a deep buried boulder, sitting in the middle of the narrow spoor. Instinctively I was going to go up on the high ground to avoid the obstacle. Well to my dismay a smaller unseen rock bounced my front tire onto the top of the larger rock. It slipped off and down I went. It was a good thing the cactus broke my fall. I got up. Shook off the dirt, and assessed the damage. I had a small gash in my shin and an arm full of cactus quills. For a brief moment I contemplated continuing my ride before going home, then panic set in. I am going to need stitches!! Well I never got out of the park so quickly and back home. I woke my mom and said to her, “I think I need to go to the hospital.” There I sat for the better part of an hour as the doctor with a magnifying glass and a pare of tweezers pulled out cactus quills. My leg took four stitches and it was done.

Just after I had moved out on my own into my first place, I found a new place in the coulees to ride. This was by a golf course positioned in the river bottom. I was on another game trail ( I am starting to see a pattern forming here) that wound its way around the top of this particular coulee I was on. As I came around the corner there suddenly appeared two large dips in the trail. To soon to stop and the ground to the inside was too steep to peddle, without clipping the side of the hill, and pick up speed to coast over the dips. So when my front tire hit the first dip that I slowed down enough that I came to a complete stop in the seconded one. To my right I had the grass covered hill and to my left a 40 to 50 foot almost vertical drop. Well in my infinite wisdom I look over at the drop. And as I looked I knew I was going over and there was nothing I could do about it. I went over head first. To my luck, as the coulee eroded away to create the two dips, it left soft dirt behind to catch me. When I hit I remember thinking to myself, ‘this is going to hurt.’ My hands dug deep into the forgiving soil up to my elbows, and my bike cam next. As it twisted free of my legs it landed directly on the back of my head. Well Helmets save lives. I know this because I let a nice face impression in the dirt. When I cam to a rest at the bottle of the hill in a sprawled mess of legs, wheels, arms, and handle bars; I jumped up as quick as I could to see if anyone saw my failed attempt at flying.

M last experience, it was not to long ago, I came closer to flying then any other. It was a Sunday and I had just finished work. It was noon and church started at one. I was rushing to get home a get ready, because I knew my wife was going to be standing at the door saying, “come on we don’t have much time.” It was raining out, well more like a heavy mist that clung to everything. I had my bike in high gear and I was really booking it. I did not care how wet I got; I was going to shower anyways. Well the bike path that ran along the golf course here in Taber has a pole in the middle of it and a chain link fence that separates the civic center and the golf course. There was rain in my eyes and I thought I was over far enough to avoid the pole…. No… I wrapped my bike around it good, and I was air borne like my favourite childhood supper hero Supper Man. I flew a good twenty feet before I attempted (I use this word in the loosest way possible) a dive roll landing. My feet went up into the air, and I did a yoga head stand for a brief moment, and fell to my back and continued sliding off the path and into the tall grass where I finally came to a stop some thirty to forty feet away from the pole (and again, helmets save lives). My bike found itself some distance away from the pole in the grass in a twisted heap. I picked it up straightened the handle bars and attempted to ride home. I quickly realised I could not ride on a front tire bent into a “U”. So I pushed my bike home in the rain the twenty minuet walk it took me to get home. By the time I got to the end of the golf course the rain had stopped and the golfers appeared out of no where on the course. “Are you ok?” they asked. “Ho yea, I just wanted to push my bike home.” When I did finally get home, there was my wife standing in the driveway, “what happened to you?” Needless to say I still made it to church on time.

What did I learn from these experiences? Don’t crash into the back of my neighbour’s van. Avoid hidden rocks, a good life lesion in avoiding hidden dangers. Finally, never go riding without a helmet. You never know when you are going to get hit in the back of the head by a bike.

I am a child of God, who are you?

Mormon Video: I Am A Child of God
I linked to this blog because she said many thing that go had in had with the point I am making.
We are all children of a kind and loving eternal Heavenly Father, and we deserve the same love and respect as anyone else. Regardless of how anyone may feel about the decisions we may make or the choices we have. Ife we decide to change ourselves fully or partially, or if we decide to wear more woman’s fashions or act in a manor that is more feminine. Every one makes choices and everyone makes mistakes.
That does not change the fact that I am a child of God

Friday, June 29, 2012

Dyslexia compounds everything.

Famous People with Dyslexia, Autism and ADHD

We all have good days where everything seems to go well. We also have bad days, that sometimes seem to turn into weeks, months, or even years. I think it has been for the most part one of those bad years for me. There has been more downs then ups; though I still try my hardest to keep a positive out look on life. At work I show a happy face, and for the most part it is real, but deep down I am hurting inside by a pain that most will never understand.
I just came out of one of those dark times that lasted several weeks that left me feeling like I was standing in a dark cloud of mist. I was there in body, but not in mind. I was just going through the motions but I was not there. At its darkest was last Wednesday night. That day I had gotten something in the mail, which was expected, but not welcome. It signified the death of a part of my life. This was not the trigger of the dark spell, but was the frosting on the cake, and yes I would have rather been lost in a vat of frosting then been where I was. So the accumulation of everything that happened over the past couple of weeks and the unwanted mail drove me the closest to the edge I have been since my youth. I found myself driving slowly down the dark gravel roads that crisscross the farm land by Taber. It was close to midnight, and as tears of sorrow rolled down my cheeks, I pleated in my heart to my heavenly father to take me home. I could not do it myself.
The days are looking brighter now.
What is dyslexia, and what does it do to me? The“National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke”define dyslexia as.
Dyslexia is a brain-based type of learning disability that specifically impairs a person's ability to read. These individuals typically read at levels significantly lower than expected despite having normal intelligence. Although the disorder varies from person to person, common characteristics among people with dyslexia are difficulty with phonological processing (the manipulation of sounds), spelling, and/or rapid visual-verbal responding.
Dyslexia is more than that; it is more of a visual based learning system. I learn by seeing and them doing. It also affects more then just reading. It affects social skills. The same problems that make it hard to learn how to read (more in a minuet) make it hard to learn proper social skills as well. The problems occur when disorientation sets in. Disorientation is all the funny visual thing that you hear a dyslexics describe.
Now how dyslexia makes it hard to learn to read. Because dyslexics are a visual learners, we need visual clues. Thus descriptive words are good. “Black Cat” we see a black cat. But them we come across what are called trigger words; the, a, and, is, and so forth. There are many others, and basically they are words that a dyslexic can not visualise. So what happened when we start reading? When we hit a trigger word our visual mind or minds eye tries to figure out what this word is. The mind eye will pick up the word and flip it around reverse the letters rotate the letter and many other variations in an attempt to create a visual representation of the word. How do we create a visual representation of the word “the?” When you take a simple three letter word like “the;” in the end, in a two dimensional view, the dyslexic is left with 49 different variations of “the” and no clue as to the meaning of the word. In a three dimensional view of the word (as in my case) the 49 different variations are much greater; infinite. This all happens in a fraction of a second and the mind moves on to the next word. Every time we hit a trigger word everything we had read up to that point is lost and disorientation starts to set in.

This video is a good example of what happens during disorientation.

Dyslexia affects how I interact with others. How I say stuff without thinking things through properly to find the best meaning. I will say something with the best of interests and the utmost kindness, but come out wrong and I offend people unknowingly. It isn’t until I sit and think it through that I realise what I had said may have hurt someone. When this gets mixed with the dysphoria of being transgender, it complicates matters more. So, growing up I wanting to interact as a girl. I played Barbie’s with my sister until it was no longer cool for her to play Barbie’s with her little brother. As time went on I realised that it was not socially acceptable for me to interact as a girl. So I was forced to try to learn how to interact as a boy. I had not clue how to do that, so I pretended and put on a front. I made myself like boy things and played with the boy toys that I had been given.
So I apologise to anyone that I have offended by the things I have said or done; for not being around much and commenting, and the fact that I may not be around often either. Until I can get this dysphoria under control; please bear with me as I struggle through all of my challenges as I am doing me best.
Since I have given up pretending to be more male, I have started voicing my feminine opinion more often, and I have started acting less male. It has made it increasingly more difficult to manage the dysphoria. And I find myself slipping back into those dark places more often.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Happy Fathers Day

No matter how strongly we may feel on the inside, it will never change the fact that we are and will always be fathers to our children. That is a divinely appointed and scared position given to us from a kind and merciful Heavenly Father.

L. Tom Perry, Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles gave an inspiring insight into the Father’s Roles in the home from his April 2004 conference address, “Fatherhood, an Eternal Calling”
Given such urgent warnings about the future of our Father in Heaven’s children, fathers and mothers must search their souls to be certain they are following the Lord’s direction in building up eternal families. Focusing on fathers, what does the Lord expect us to do?
Once a family has been established, the father’s roles include the following:
1. The father is the head in his family.
“Fatherhood is leadership, the most important kind of leadership. It has always been so; it always will be so. Father, with the assistance and counsel and encouragement of your eternal companion, you preside in the home. It is not a matter of whether you are most worthy or best qualified, but it is a matter of [divine] appointment.”
Your leadership in the home must include leading in family worship.
“You preside at the meal table, at family prayer. You preside at family home evening; and as guided by the Spirit of the Lord, you see that your children are taught correct principles. It is your place to give direction relating to all of family life.
“You give father’s blessings. You take an active part in establishing family rules and discipline. As a leader in your home you plan and sacrifice to achieve the blessing of a unified and happy family. To do all of this requires that you live a family-centered life.”
As President Joseph F. Smith counselled: “Brethren, there is too little religious devotion, love, and fear of God, in the home; too much worldliness, selfishness, indifference, and lack of reverence in the family, or it never would exist so abundantly on the outside. Then, the home is what needs reforming. Try today, and tomorrow, to make a change in your home.”
Remember, brethren, that in your role as leader in the family, your wife is your companion. As President Gordon B. Hinckley has taught: “In this Church the man neither walks ahead of his wife nor behind his wife but at her side. They are coequals.” Since the beginning, God has instructed mankind that marriage should unite husband and wife together in unity. Therefore, there is not a president or a vice president in a family. The couple works together eternally for the good of the family. They are united together in word, in deed, and in action as they lead, guide, and direct their family unit. They are on equal footing. They plan and organize the affairs of the family jointly and unanimously as they move forward.
2. The father is a teacher.
President Joseph F. Smith’s counsel applies today: “Do not let your children out to specialists … , but teach them by your own precept and example, by your own fireside. Be a specialist yourself in the truth.”
“When you recognize the importance of teaching your children, you become humble, because at once you realize that this is accomplished by precept and example. You cannot be one thing and effectively teach another. You must live and study and pray for the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost. You must purify and organize your life so that your example and leadership reflect the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
“You must plan your day as guided by the Spirit of the Lord, earnestly seeking your own welfare and the welfare of your family before other cares blind you to these first responsibilities. As we have been taught by living prophets, ‘No other success in life can compensate for failure in the home’ (David O. McKay, in Conference Report, Apr. 1964, 5; quoted from J. E. McCulloch, Home: The Savior of Civilization [1924], 42).”
3. The father is the temporal provider.
President Ezra Taft Benson expressed it clearly: “The Lord has charged men with the responsibility to provide for their families in such a way that the wife is allowed to fulfill her role as mother in the home. … Sometimes the mother works outside of the home at the encouragement, or even insistence, of her husband … [for the] convenience[s] that the extra income can buy. Not only will the family suffer in such instances, brethren, but your own spiritual growth and progression will be hampered.”
Fathers, by divine decree, you are to preside over your family units. This is a sobering responsibility and the most important one you will ever assume, for it is an eternal responsibility. You place the family in its proper priority. It’s the part of your life that will endure beyond the grave. I testify that the following statement is true:
“The position which men occupy in the family, and especially those who hold the Melchizedek Priesthood, is one of first importance and should be clearly recognized and maintained in the order and with the authority which God conferred upon man in placing him at the head of his household.
“… There is no higher authority in matters relating to the family organization, and especially when that organization is presided over by one holding the higher priesthood, than that of the father. … The patriarchal order is of divine origin and will continue throughout time and eternity. There is then a particular reason why men, women, and children should understand this order and this authority in the households of the people of God, and seek to make it what God intended it to be, a qualification and preparation for the highest exaltation of His children. In the home the presiding authority is always vested in the father, and in all home affairs and family matters there is no other authority paramount.”

I have become so focused lately on Anima the woman inside; I started to loose sight of the rolls I have to play here in mortality. Today in sacrament meeting I was inspired by some of the talks given about fatherhood and the important roll we have in the lives of our families.

Let us not loose sight of where we stand.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Ormie the Pig

I shared this video on Facebook earlier,

And it made me think of how I struggle with my gender. I am Ormie and no matter how hart I try. I can never seem to get the cookie I want.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Taber Tornado 2012

So this is the second part to the post I made earlier. I was able to snap those shots of the Venus Transit just before the sky clouded over from a severe thunder storm that was quickly making its was up from Montana. So after supper I decided to go out and take some pictures of the storm as it rolls in.
I drove out past Barnwell, which is just west of Taber, and snapped some pictures of the giant storm front. At this time I had the distinct impression that I should head back. The storm appeared to be moving pretty swiftly. I passed the thought off, and then continued on heading further west until I came to the small community of Cranford. By this time the storm was directly above and it was starting to hail, stones that varied in size from large marbles to golf ball, so I decided to head back. As I drove, I watched the clouds move in all different directions. The lower clouds where moving at a rapid pace from south to north (the news said the storm was tracking north at about 50 kilometres per hour) swirling and twisting like the flesh of some big unseen beast, and the upper clouds being driven by a cold strong north-westerly wind that ploughed heavily into the giant storm beast with great force. The panoramic picture I took at this time just west of Barnwell looking east towards Taber. I thought to myself, “I need to get home before this gets any worse.” I continued on in my little Ford Escort along the divided highway that skirts the little town of Barnwell to the south and continues on to Taber. As I rounded Barnwell at the point farthest south on the highway, the sky went black as night and the entire eastern horizon was brown from mud being scooped up by the powerful storm. My car was shaking from the wind as I slowed to a crawl and noticed other motorist stopping on the highway, and some where driving into the ditches. I finally decided to stop just before the highway straitened out and headed directly into Taber. My path was completely blocked by a giant wall of mud; that to my dismay was heading straight for me. As it struck, my little car shook violently and felt like it was being pushed sideways across the road. I was scarcely able to see the headlights of the car that had pulled up just behind me through the mud and grass and debris being picked up by the storm. I was scared out of my mind. I like to chase storms from a very safe distance. And it was plain stupidity and not listening to the prompting of the spirit which got me into this mess. My next prompting was to get out of there. So I turned around, going the wrong way, and made my way back to Barnwell. I quickly drove out of the flying mud and found a place to cross onto the right side of the highway. When I entered Barnwell I quickly took shelter behind the LDS chapel like many others. My heart was racing and I could feel it throbbing in rapid secession in my throat as I vowed to never ignore another prompting from the spirit.
(I did not take this video) I waited there until the skies lightened up and the worst of it had passed. After careful consideration, and thinking of what just happened of the highway, I decided to take a different road home. I drove north of Barnwell to Huckleberry road and turned east towards Taber. The skies where defiantly brighter, but the gale force wind blew and whipped the heavy rain across the road making the visibility nearly impossible. At a point just about directly north of where I turned around was a Pivot that was picked up and twisted like a cork screw and strewn across the field. As I slowly made my way home the sheer force and majesty of the storm was made known to me; large tree limbs strewn across the road, mettle siding torn from building and twisted and scattered through farmer’s fields all around. It was a harrowing experience I do not care to repeat.
When I did finally got home, power was out to most of the town, and I found my mother visibly shaken and hiding in a storage closet with a single candle. My heart broke for her as tears of relief started to form in her eyes. And again I vowed to never ignore the prompting of the spirit.
The Lord taught me a valuable lesion here that I shale not soon forget. Always follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost.